On Candidness
During one of my first weeks on the job, my boss/mentor and founder of Kinko’s, Paul, said something that I still can’t shake even 90 days later. We were having lunch at the Miramar Club and suddenly got into the topic of the importance of candidness (within an organization). His message was that a lack of candidness within Kinko’s made his job very difficult at times. Executives felt as though, if asked about Kinko’s viability and status within the marketplace, they had to appease and be complimentary. This was because Paul was the one asking the question.
With the goal of being nothing short of the very best, a lack of candidness created problems for Paul as he continuously tried to assess the competition – He said, “All these executives would look at me and say some version of ‘Oh the competition is no match’ or some other simple and dismissive claim. The very fact that there was another store across the street that was in business meant that the competition was doing something right. I wanted to know what it was that they were doing right, not hear that they were doing everything wrong.”
I very much understand Paul’s point of the need for candidness within an organization. I also understand how difficult it is to foster, as his efforts were constantly aimed at doing so. However, what’s become even more clear to me since that initial conversation is how candidness is potentially the most important trait that a friend or significant other can have. Some would point to trust first, and I would agree but also offer the point that trust and candidness are not independent of each other but are instead contingent upon one another. Recently, I’ve been spending so much time thinking of my best friends. I think of how I miss them and love them but also about why. They’re all loyal, yes, but that’s also a sort of baseline for friendship. I cannot get myself to spend time around you and tell you my opinion on matters if I don’t have a certain sense of comfortability around you. It’s when one individual shares those opinions (regardless of mutual final agreement on the idea being discussed) that I feel a sense of bondedness to them. In more crude terms – Personally (and it very well may be just a me thing) I don’t give a shit what you say so much as why you said it. Why you said it ties to your sense of conviction in the statement. That tells me something about you. And your ultimate willingness to share it with me (candidness) is what allows a certain sense of trust to develop between the two of us. There are obvious yet few caveats/boundaries to this disposition of mine.
Kindness vs Candidness – One and the same?
What I think has given me such special friendships within my close-knit circle is the ability that those friends of mine have to speak with me candidly – and without hesitation. A perfect illustration: I remember when I shared the news of receiving this incredible opportunity to work with Paul. Acquaintances said they saw it coming or other complimentary remarks. Those were great for the ego, yet temporary in effect. On the other hand, my best friend Shaan took an entirely different approach – I thought he was kind of a dick at first until I spent the next few days thinking about it. I was never able to put a word on what he did until now. I took all my best friends to a BBQ joint in Santa Monica to share the amazing news. As we neared the end of the meal and I finally spoke about this new change for me, everyone cheered/clapped for a moment but then Shaan was the first to speak. The first thing this guy said to me was “Congratulations.” The second word he spoke was “Wait” and went on to calmly say “I do want to say something else.” He explained to me that this was not an excuse to neglect thinking about what I want to do/pursue afterwards. He put me in check. What made it all the more impactful is how natural it rolled off the tongue. He knew that I had been struggling to commit to an idea for after graduation. He felt he needed to remind me of the final goal rather than this specific success that I experienced along the way. He acknowledged my individual victory while also offering me paused excitement. He kept me level. He did more for me by reacting this way than any other reaction I received to the news. He spoke candidly.
Trust is non-negotiable but cannot exist without honest dialogue – Candidness.